End of Day Light Savings

Upon coming out of school and the sky being pitch black, Felix inquired "Who turned off the lights in the sky early, mama?"

Remembering in our own way

This past month has been a hard one for our family, with the loss of Susan's brother, John.  The aftershocks are still reverberating around here, and will continue for a long time to come.  While John was not someone we saw on a day to day basis, for Susan (and I), he was someone we thought about often, took inspiration from, cared for deeply, and for Susan, was a key part of her formative years.

For Felix, John's passing was a completely different experience.  Because Felix's relationship with John was with someone he saw only a few times a year, John's death was marked primarily in Felix's mind, by our absence, as Susan, and then both Susan and I, traveled to Lancaster PA to remember John, and support his wife Misty and Susan's parents during this tragic and unexpected crisis. 

Felix handled our absence extremely well, considering that he is four, and change is not something four year olds excel at.  But after we returned, and life got back to "normal" (which included a trip to Alabama for my sister's wedding, Felix getting sick for 10 days, and me going out of town for 3 days for work), things started to get a little dicey.  Separation anxiety, something Felix had almost completely gotten over at daycare, returned with a vengeance, and spread to every aspect of his life.  There were days when I wondered if I would ever make it to work, or would just have to turn myself in for inpatient therapy somewhere after seeing him cry that hard as I drove off. And in case you were thinking of it, don't even consider having your kid start circus class AND violin lessons the week after a family crisis occurs.

Thanks to the caring teachers at Felix's school who helped me understand what was going on and what I should do, Susan and I tried (and are still trying) to make things as normal and consistent as possible on the home front.  Slowly but surely Felix is getting better, and hopefully soon will stop asking me if I am coming back whenever I leave the room, and at least for my back's sake will need to be carried around like a baby less often.  All this to say that while we've talked about John's death with Felix, and he has seen our sadness and grief, he hasn't expressed many feelings about John per se, though I know that there is a lot there, and more will be revealed over time when he is feeling safe and secure again. 

 It was a little fortuitous that a holiday arrived, that was perfectly suited for Felix, and for us.  Dia de Los Muertos is a Mexican holiday, where families and friends gather to remember and celebrate loved ones who have died. There is a tradition of making altars, which is something Susan and I love to do.  So we went to a Dia de los Muertos event at the History Center, where one of the activities promoted was to make a shadow box of a loved one.  We told Felix about the event, and he expressed interest in making a shadowbox for Bone, our cat who died a year and a half ago.  

We got there, and Felix spent over an hour (which in four-year-old time is a very long time) carefully picking out pictures and items that reminded him of Bone - feathers, flowers, a "bone", a heart, a spider,  - and gluing them on the box, while Susan worked on one for John.  It was amazing to watch Felix work. It was if he had been just waiting for an activity to channel his energy and emotions around grief and loss, in a way that was tangible and real for him.

When we got home, Susan decided to take her shadowbox of John, and include it in a ofrenda ("offering" or altar), with items that were meaningful to John.  Felix immediately followed suit, and made his own ofrenda for Bone that included a can of catfood, water bowl, mint (for catnip), a cat toy, a plastic bag (because Bone loved to chew on plastic), and pumpkin seeds and a plum, because Bone might be hungry and want something sweet.

After the ofrendas were complete, Felix and Susan had a conversation about what they liked about each other's shrines, what made them sad, and how the ofrendas reminded them of John, and of Bone.  It was clear that it was helpful for Felix to have his own experience honoring a being who was special to him, and helped him relate to Susan and her loss.  I was touched by his sensitivity - at one point he said to Susan, "if you feel sad when you look at your ofrenda, look at mine, and it will make you happy".  While clearly we do not want to shy away from sadness, it made me happy to see Felix involved in naming grief, remembering and celebrating loved ones, and coming together as a family to support each other.  Even when our eyes are filled with tears, we will remember, with eyes wide open.

John Svatek, Rest in Peace

First Violin

Felix's Favorite Things Summer 2011

• electric pencil sharpener
• mama's softest hair
• duck duck grey duck
• Bunny from the dentist
• booster seat
• blackberries, watermelon, and strawberries
• Pickle (and sometimes Skillet)
• Richard Scarry word book
• timers
• chocolate milk

Playhouse Plans

Felix's blueprint for his playhouse that is at the top of the list on the summer house project agenda. It needs to have a secret escape hatch, triangular windows, multiple stories, and a doorbell with multiple chimes. If possible, he'd like a second playhouse next to it where his parents can hang out. All other projects have been tabled.

Celebrating Sun, Water, and Friendship

Sun and Water Festival artwork

  I love it when a day perfectly encapsulates the things I love about life.  We started out the day with the Celebration of Sun and Water at Seward Child Care Center, where elected officials, kids, families, and supporters got together to recognize two important milestones at the center - solar panels, which were placed on the roof of the center earlier this year, and an effort to reduce the center's rainwater runoff to the Mississippi river supported by a large grant from the MWMO.  The grant will fund a living wall, a water tank to catch rainwater from the roof, a mural, a rain garden, and much more.  Awesome stuff!

SCCC kids, elected officials, and key partners at the ribbon cutting ceremony

 I was tasked with coordinating kids' activities for the event, most of which had already been identified, and I just needed to implement - making sun/water wands and rain chains.  But when I talked to Felix about the event and asked for his ideas, he immediately suggested that we make flags and draw pictures of the sun and water on them.  As soon as he said this, I had the idea of hanging a clothesline along the fence and attaching the flags with clothespins.  Easy, beautiful, and kid friendly!  The end result turned out well.  It was awesome to see the kids' involvement in center life represented in so many ways at this event - creating artwork, writing and singing songs, helping with set up and clean up, and so much more.

Sun and Water Flags

Felix could barely contain his excitement at the celebration.  He loved giving his grandparents (who kindly came to the event) a tour of the center and showed them everything - including the kids sized toilets, his cubby, and where he stores his lunchbox.  While unfortunately, Felix preemptively cut the ribbon for the ribbon-cutting ceremony due to his unbridled enthusiasm, he was able to reign things in long enough to listen to two elected officials who were present for the event (one of whom mostly did "magic tricks", clearly considering the audience he was speaking to) and comments from other partners before the official ribbon cutting took place.

Felix showing impressive ribbon restraint

Felix stuck by Augie's side at the event; I am guessing in part because Augie was going to spend the night at our house which he was super excited about, and in part because, they are great buds and can double the fun factor at any occasion.  But for once, they seemed to calm each other down, instead of the usual opposite.

Augie and Felix at the Ribbon Cutting ceremony

The end of our day was the Augie sleepover segment, which went amazingly well with very few hitches.  It enabled Augie's mama to have a much deserved night out on the town, and Augie and Felix to hone their sleepover skills before their 3 day extravaganza coming up at the end of the month, when two mamas will be out of town. It was great to see Felix so happy and enjoying his friendship with Augie - playing duck duck grey duck, eating watermelon, "trading" pajama bottoms, giving goodnight hugs.  Sometimes things can devolve quickly into jealousy and insecurity for Felix, or risk-taking danger, where Felix can cajole Augie into jumping off high ledges (not that Augie needs any encouragement in that area).  Tonight, for once, we sidestepped both of those quagmires, and just got to enjoy the fun of a 3 and 4 year old's friendship.

Funny Faces at dinner in the back yard

Felix is 4!

We celebrated Felix's 4th birthday today with a rocket themed party and had a blast!

We painted rockets

Ate space-themed food

Blew out candles

Ate some cake

Opened some gifts

Prepared to launch our rockets

and blasted them off into outer space.

Happy Birthday Rocket Boy!

Trains on the Brain

We took Felix and Augie to see trains and ride an engine at the Jackson Street Roundhouse. We're pretty sure they enjoyed themselves.